The Myth of Balance

Whether we have children or not balancing—family and social life & personal and professional time—is complex.

This past Wednesday, I moderated a discussion on the Myth of Balance: Thriving in the Chaos of Motherhood and Career Ambitions hosted by One Tribe Experiences¹.

When my friends, Emilie Fritz Veloso (the co-founder of One Tribe), and Hercy Liodden (the programming director), asked if I would moderate the discussion—I felt myself go pale. My initial response was trepidation, but I also felt an inner nudge saying, yes, of course, what an amazing opportunity, thank you.

Hercy said, don’t worry, we’ll prepare you, and she did. I had the opportunity to meet with the women on the panel before the big night and to hear their stories. Wow.

I had anticipated how much work would go into preparing for this evening, but I was also pleasantly surprised by how much writing Pier 40 had qualified me, not just with content, but also with new skills I could put to use as a moderator.

Lusha Roy, Valentina Hernandez Botero, Joyce Englander Levy, Dr. Rachel Silverstein, Emilie Fritz-Veloso, Alexandra Wilkis Wilson

I spent the two weeks prior to the event meeting with and interviewing the women (pictured above) on the panel. All highly accomplished in their fields, but my questions were mostly about their adjacent expertise:

How has motherhood positively affected your career?

How do you balance the tension between the pace of your career and the needs of your little ones?

What are some practical strategies to decide what to prioritize?

Over the course of the night, a story became clear to me.

Motherhood and Career can get a bad wrap for being at odds with each other, but the experiences of raising children and running a home can also support a woman’s ability to succeed professionally and vice versa.

What are some of the secrets?

Be organized and clear on your priorities.

Alexandra Wilkis Wilson, founder of Gilt Group and Glam Squad, and now a leader at the growth equity fund, Clerisy. Alexandra shared that being a mother made her even more organized, (color coded calendars!), and she quipped that having a focus group of two gen’alphas of different genders at home makes her a better investor.

Dr. Rachel Silverstein, a Marine Biologist and the CEO of Miami Waterkeeper, realized that her children may never see a coral reef, and the urgency of caring for her children keeps her motivated to achieve her missions.

Community. Work together with other women. Communicate.

All the women shared ways they have learned to ask for help and to delegate.

Mom networks are huge. Miami families lean heavily on WhatsApp chats.

As a caveat, we talked about the importance of not just receiving help, but also offering it when possible. For example, an audience member raised her hand to share how one of the panelists, Lusha Roy, a mom of three who manages a team of twenty as a Managing Director at H.I.G. Capitol, sent in extra money on the day of a school bake sale in case any other moms forgot.

Lusha shared other practical strategies as well. She has learned to prioritize, day by day, to let go of perfection, and to stop being her own worst energy. Today her priority might be at work, in which case she may fail at home, but the next day she may need to be at an event for school, and she recognizes that work will have to wait, and there will be people chasing her, but she’ll do the best she can and keep going. She takes a deep breath, she picks herself up, and she trusts in her ability to solve.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Practice self-care and self-compassion.

Valentina Hernandez Botero, the co-founder of Sana Skin Studios, made the whole room laugh when she said, “has anyone actually tried juggling?” She continued, “We put way too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect.” For her, it’s about setting realistic expectations. She also talked about the importance of showing her children that she takes care of herself, in order to model self-care, so her children will also learn to care for themselves.

Nurture both your mom network and your professional network. If you’re going to take a pause and stay home, keep up your work relationships and stay involved by volunteering.

Emilie pointed out how important it is for female leaders, in our different industries, to allow women to downshift, and transition back into their careers when they’re ready. Women who downshift can make sure they are volunteering, staying relevant in their field, or acquiring new skills. It was through Emilie’s mom network that she found her way back to work, and eventually to opening One Tribe.

Rachel shared that one of the things she is proud of is that Miami Waterkeeper offers paid maternity leave. They have made supporting moms part of their culture and organization, and they have built in a flexibility that supports family life. It’s not only possible, her organization is thriving.

To be a woman is to dig deep for resources.

There were nearly a hundred women who gathered at One Tribe for the event. Women at different stages of life. Some with inklings of having children, some pregnant, some with young ones, others with teenagers, and there were empty nesters too. Everyone gathered in the spirit of learning from and uplifting each other.

Moms in the thick of their careers often feel isolated. They’re either working or with their children, which doesn’t leave much time to gather with other professional moms. Based on the turnout, there is clearly a need for this kind of meaningful connection and networking. I’m looking forward to all the programming that One Tribe is initiating for women at different stages of their life looking for meaningful connection.

I love considering how motherhood and career don’t have to be at odds with each other. It feels like there could be solutions, and potential businesses for women to start, by living into this consideration.

I know many of us grew up with a blueprint for how to be a stay-at-home mom, but also the verbal directions to have a career. Many women in the past twenty years have struggled to figure out how to excel at both at the same time, and now they’re opening up to share the things they learned along the way. We need more of this.

Additionally, men need to be a part of this conversation. Several of the women on the panel shared how their husbands have helped them to advance in their careers, and how their husbands have been standup partners at home by taking on more of the mental lode of parenting and spending quality time with the children.

Balance is complicated

If you’ve ever tried a really tricky balance, like a handstand, you know that, eventually you fall. But if someone is there to spot you, you can hold yourself up longer, and you become stronger and more capable in the process.

1. One Tribe is an incredible wellness center in Miami, where women gather for friendship and support through all their transitions and chapters from fertility and prenatal / postnatal all the way through perimenopause and menopause.